“What Should I Say?” When Reassurance Doesn’t Work

It’s one of the hardest things for a parent to sit with:

your child is anxious, panicked, stuck in a loop of thoughts, and they look at you—waiting.

They’re asking:

“Are you sure I didn’t hurt someone?”

“Do you promise nothing bad will happen?”

“Can you check it again?”

And everything inside you wants to say:

“Yes. You’re okay. I promise.”

Sometimes it works—for a moment.

And then the loop starts again.

You might feel like you’ve failed.

You haven’t.

You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re simply trying to soothe a part of your child that’s not asking for logic—

it’s asking for protection from something inside they don’t yet understand.

That’s why the reassurance doesn’t “stick.”

Because OCD is not calmed by facts.

It’s calmed by internal safety—and sometimes that has to be built slowly, over time, in the presence of another person who can bear the fear without collapsing under it.

If you’re here, reading this, wondering what to say

maybe the answer isn’t something you say to fix it.

Maybe it’s something like:

“I can see how hard this is for you.”

“I believe you’re scared. I’m not scared of being here with you.”

“We’ll find a way to understand this together. You don’t have to be on your own with it.”

What you say matters.

But it’s not the perfect sentence that makes the difference.

It’s you.

Still there. Still holding on. Still seeing the child behind the thought.

And that, more than anything, is the beginning of getting better.