“But I Can’t Stop Thinking It”: Why Intrusive Thoughts Repeat and Won’t Let Go

One of the most common and painful things I hear from young people is this:

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but I can’t stop thinking it.”

“Even when people tell me it’s not true, the thought comes back.”

“I try to forget it, but it just gets louder.”

Parents often ask: “If my child knows the thought isn’t true, why can’t they stop it?”

It’s a good question—and the answer tells us something crucial about how the mind works under pressure.

Repetition as a Defence

Intrusive thoughts don’t repeat just to annoy or scare the child. They repeat because they are trying to protect the mind from something else—something deeper, often more emotional and less nameable.

The repetition itself becomes a kind of psychic glue—holding the child together when they feel overwhelmed, confused, or emotionally flooded. It gives the illusion of control. That’s why the thoughts can feel “sticky”—they aren’t random, they’re serving a function.

Certainty as a Drug

What makes these thoughts so hard to let go of is that they usually come with a feeling of intolerable doubt.

“But what if I really am dangerous?”

“What if I never stop thinking this?”

“What if something terrible happens and it’s my fault?”

The child isn’t just afraid of the content of the thought—they’re afraid of not being certain. So they replay, review, re-analyse—hoping that one more check, one more reassurance, one more internal argument will finally put it to rest.

But it doesn’t. It strengthens the loop.

Understanding Helps the Thought Loosen

What we’ve seen at UITS is that when a young person begins to understand why the thought is there—not just what it says—the urgency softens.

Instead of seeing the thought as something to banish, we help them see it as something to get curious about. Something that might be carrying a feeling they couldn’t say out loud any other way.

How You Can Help as a Parent or Carer

• Gently name the repetition: “It sounds like that thought keeps looping when you feel really uncertain.”

• Avoid fighting the thought with logic—try asking, “What do you think the thought is trying to protect you from?”

• Help your child name feelings, not just thoughts: fear, shame, guilt, sadness

• And remember: a stuck thought doesn’t mean a stuck child. With the right support, the internal system can move again.