“Is This Just a Phase?” When Intrusive Thoughts Show Up in Childhood

“She keeps asking if she’s a bad person.”

“He said he thought about hurting someone, then burst into tears.”

“They ask the same question over and over, and if I answer wrong, they panic.”

If you’ve heard something like this from your child—or if you're a clinician noticing early repetitive thought patterns—it’s natural to wonder:

Is this just a phase, or is something deeper happening?

What Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, distressing thoughts or images that pop into a child’s mind and cause anxiety. They often feel out of character, frightening, or confusing—especially for children who are naturally sensitive, empathic, or perfectionistic.

Some examples we’ve heard from young people include:

“What if I hurt my baby brother?”

“What if I catch a disease and make everyone sick?”

“What if I thought something bad on purpose?”

Is It Just a Worry or Something More?

All children worry. Many children say strange, imaginative, or even disturbing things from time to time—it’s part of learning how to think and feel safely. But when a thought becomes repetitive, distressing, and stuck, it may no longer be just a passing phase.

Ask yourself:

Is the thought coming up again and again, even after reassurance?

Is your child asking for constant checking, confessing, or seeking comfort?

Do they seem afraid of the thought itself, not just the situation?

If so, they may be experiencing early intrusive thought patterns that deserve attention—not panic, but thoughtful support.

What Might Be Going On Beneath the Thought?

We often think about what the thought is doing for the child—not just what it says.

Sometimes, an intrusive thought is a way of holding a big emotion that doesn’t have language yet. For example:

Guilt about a new sibling becomes “What if I hurt them?”

Fear of loss becomes “What if I make someone ill?”

Wanting control becomes “I have to say it just right or something bad will happen.”

What Can Parents Do?

Stay calm. Your response is more important than your answer.

Validate the feeling. “That sounds like a scary thought. I believe you’re really upset.”

Avoid endless reassurance. Instead, say: “We can be curious about why this thought might be showing up.”

Create space for emotional talk. Even if they won’t talk about the thought, they may talk about the feeling behind it.

Final Thought

Not every repetitive thought means your child has OCD. But every repetitive thought that causes distress is worth listening to—gently, openly, and without shame.

Whether it’s a phase or a signal of something deeper, the most powerful thing you can offer is your presence and your willingness to wonder with them:

“What might your mind be trying to work out?”