You’re Not the Therapist – But You’re Still the Anchor

It’s 7:42am. Your child is doing that thing again.

Washing for the third time.

Reassurance-seeking like it’s oxygen.

Panic growing in the corners of the morning routine.

And there it is — that thought:

“What do I say? What would the therapist say? Am I supposed to stop this? Am I making it worse?”

You are not alone in this.

And no — you’re not the therapist.

But you are something just as important:

You are the anchor.

When Support Feels Like Pressure

We know what happens. Therapy starts, and suddenly you’re handed phrases like “response prevention,” “accommodation,” or “co-regulation.”

Well-meaning advice turns into performance anxiety.

You love your child — but you’re now watching every word, every move.

“Should I let them do the ritual?”

“Should I interrupt?”

“What if I say the wrong thing?”

Here’s what we need to say to you — clearly, and kindly:

Your job is not to be the therapist.

Your job is to be the emotional constant they come home to — even when they’re in pieces.

What It Means to Be the Anchor

Being the anchor doesn’t mean you never feel lost.

It means you stay present when the storm picks up.

Here’s what anchoring can look like:

• You don’t have the answers — but you’re not afraid of the question.

• You can’t stop the ritual — but you stay beside them when they try.

• You don’t always understand the fear — but you believe it’s real to them.

You offer something that no worksheet, no behavioural strategy, no exposure task can provide:

Containment.

“But What If I’m Making It Worse?”

Let’s be clear.

Sometimes, you might accidentally enable a ritual.

You might offer reassurance you didn’t mean to.

You might avoid triggering a meltdown.

That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It means you’re human. And it means we need to keep talking.

At UITS, we don’t shame parents.

We think with you.

We look at what’s happening emotionally — not just behaviourally.

Because often, what a parent does in that moment isn’t “wrong” — it’s coming from an attempt to protect the child’s emotional balance.

And you know what? That’s your instinct for a reason.

How You Can Anchor Without Becoming the Therapist

Here are some ways to stay emotionally present without turning into the clinical lead at home:

1. Use Language That Reflects, Not Directs

Instead of:

“You know that’s just the OCD talking.”

Try:

“I can see that this is really loud right now. I’m here. You’re not on your own with it.”

2. Stay With, Rather Than Push Through

Instead of:

“You just need to stop the ritual.”

Try:

“I know stopping is hard. I wonder what it would feel like to do one less time, just today — and I’ll sit with you while you try.”

3. Check In, Not Check Boxes

Ask yourself:

“Am I trying to fix this, or am I trying to be with them in it?”

Sometimes, being with them in it is the most powerful thing you can offer.

Anchor Doesn’t Mean Hero — It Means Human

We don’t need you to perform therapeutic perfection.

We need you to stay present when things are messy.

To say, “I don’t have the answer, but I’m not going anywhere.”

That is anchoring.

That is emotional holding.

That is where healing begins.

And if you’re reading this and thinking,

“But I’m exhausted. I don’t feel strong enough to be the anchor.”

Then this is also for you:

Even anchors need rest.

Even anchors need holding.