Why Does My Child’s Mind Do This?Understanding Intrusive Thoughts as a Form of Protection

It’s one of the most painful moments a parent can face: your child tells you they’ve been having awful, frightening, or even shameful thoughts—again and again, and they can’t seem to stop them.

Many parents want to know why. Why would a kind, thoughtful, gentle child have violent or disturbing thoughts? Why would a young person become trapped in rituals or develop fears that don’t seem to make sense? Why does the mind do this?

As professionals in mental health, we spend a lot of time listening to what these thoughts might be doing for the mind—not just what they say. And one of the hardest, yet most freeing things we’ve learned is this:

Intrusive thoughts often serve a protective purpose.

They don’t always feel like protection, of course. They feel terrifying. But for some children and adolescents, the intrusive thought is the mind’s attempt to defend against something else—something even harder to bear.

Let’s explore this gently.

The Mind’s Alarm System

When a child is overwhelmed by fear, grief, anger, or emotional confusion, their mind does its best to cope. But sometimes, the emotional experience is too much to feel directly. So instead of crying, speaking, or showing it… the mind re-routes the feeling.

It might come out as:

“What if I did something awful and didn’t realise it?”

“I need to touch this 6 times or something bad will happen.”

“I think I’m a terrible person.”

These thoughts are distressing. But they are also, in a way, an attempt to control something unspoken inside.

Why Would the Mind Do That?

Because it’s trying to keep your child safe—from feelings that might feel too big, too confusing, or too dangerous to face head-on.

Sometimes the intrusive thoughts are trying to:

Push away guilt

Distract from sadness or loss

Stop a child from feeling angry or conflicted

Prevent them from thinking about change, separation, or growing up

The thoughts become like a wall—distressing, but in some way containing. That doesn’t mean your child is choosing this. It means their mind is working overtime to protect them.

So What Helps?

The most important first step is to shift the question from:“Why are you thinking this?”to:“What might this thought be helping you avoid feeling?”

That doesn’t mean the feelings will become clear right away. But it opens the door. It invites your child to know that they are not broken—and that their mind may be doing something clever, even if painful.

Therapy, when done with care and slowness, can help a child begin to feel what the thoughts have been shielding them from. And once those feelings are felt, the thoughts often lose their power.

Final Words

Intrusive thoughts are not a sign that your child is bad, dangerous, or damaged. They are a signal. Often, they are the mind’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed—and this is how I’m coping for now.”

With understanding, patience, and the right kind of help, that coping can give way to true healing.

I believe every child’s mind—no matter how distressed—is doing its best to survive. Our job is to help them feel safe enough to live.

You’re not alone.

And neither are they.