“ How Can They Be Fine One Minute and Lost the Next?”

Parents often describe it like this: “She was laughing with us at dinner. Then twenty minutes later, she’s sobbing, frozen, locked in her head again.”

Or: “He told me he felt great this morning, and now he won’t come out of the bathroom.”

It’s one of the most disorienting experiences for any parent—emotional whiplash. The sense that your child is swinging between wellness and crisis with no warning, no logic, and no pattern you can hold onto.

You might wonder:

Did I miss a sign? Did something trigger it? Was the happiness even real?

Let me say this clearly: this doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. And no, you’re not missing something obvious. What you’re witnessing is not a parenting failure—it’s the shape of the struggle for many children and adolescents experiencing OCD or intrusive thoughts.

Why the Sudden Shifts Happen

Imagine the intrusive thought world as a tide. Sometimes it’s far out, the waters still. In those moments, your child might feel light, funny, warm again—almost as if the thoughts were never there.

Then something shifts—a sound, a moment of joy, a stray sentence—and the tide rushes in.

What looks sudden on the surface is often the result of a quiet, internal build-up. Many children feel the thoughts creeping back in long before they say anything. They might try to fight them off silently, keep smiling, keep going. But eventually, the emotional cost becomes too high. They crash.

The Symbolic Meaning Behind the Shift

Intrusive thoughts aren’t just random. They often serve a psychological function: to regulate unbearable feelings—guilt, grief, fear of abandonment, anger. So when a young person has a genuinely enjoyable or connecting moment, it can paradoxically trigger the very thoughts they wish to avoid.

“If I felt good, what if I don’t deserve it?”

“If I forgot the thought for a while, what if it comes back worse?”

“If I let go, does that mean I’m a bad person?”

In this way, joy can be dangerous to a mind that is protecting itself through control.

What Can Parents Do in These Moments?

• Stay steady. You don’t need to fix or analyse in the moment. The most helpful thing is often just your calm presence.

• Don’t assume inconsistency means manipulation. The change in mood isn’t deliberate. It’s not “attention-seeking.” It’s a wave they didn’t ask for.

• Later, name the pattern. Gently say, “I noticed how good things felt for a while, and then it got hard again. I wonder if those moments are linked somehow?”

• Don’t doubt the good moments. The joy was real. It doesn’t mean the distress isn’t. Both can exist at once.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re riding this emotional rollercoaster with your child, know that many families are too. It’s exhausting. Confusing. Sometimes even heartbreaking. But it’s also a clue: your child is trying. Trying to hold onto joy, trying to manage fear, trying to live.

And every time you stay with them—without demanding they be one thing or another—you are building something powerful: trust, containment, and eventually, the space for change.