My Child’s OCD Got Worse When Things Got Better

You’d think progress would bring peace.

You’d think that when the exam is over, the therapist is helping, or the big family event is behind you… your child’s OCD would settle down.

But instead — it spikes.

The rituals come back stronger. The intrusive thoughts get darker.

And you find yourself wondering, “Why now? Aren’t we meant to be okay?”

If you’ve been there, you’re not alone. And no — you didn’t do anything wrong.

Let’s think together about why OCD often gets worse when life seems to get better — and what it’s really trying to protect.

When Calm Isn’t Safe

Not every child experiences calm as comfort.

For some, calm is… unfamiliar. Untrustworthy. Exposing.

When things are “better,” there’s suddenly space to feel.

And sometimes, that space gets filled with fear.

That’s because many young people with OCD use rituals to keep their emotional world tightly controlled. The compulsions don’t just reduce anxiety — they manage what can and can’t be felt.

So when things improve, or when there’s a lull in stress, the mind doesn’t always relax.

Instead, it says: “Now’s when it happens. Now’s when something will go wrong.”

Why Good Moments Can Trigger Bad Feelings

This can happen in quiet, subtle ways:

• After a school performance or award, a young person suddenly checks obsessively or fears something bad will “cancel it out.”

• During a family holiday, intrusive thoughts emerge that feel unbearable or shameful.

• After a breakthrough in therapy, a wave of compulsions rushes back in — stronger than before.

Why?

Because the good moment touches something vulnerable.

Hope. Pride. Joy. Safety.

All feelings that require trust, exposure, and openness.

But if those feelings were once met with disappointment, unpredictability, or shame — the system says:

“Too dangerous. Shut it down. Re-establish control.”

The Role of OCD as Emotional Regulator

We often talk about OCD like a fire alarm that’s too sensitive. But for some children, OCD is more like a security system they built themselves — not just to avoid danger, but to manage emotional overload.

So when things go well, and the child starts to feel more deeply…

the system gets triggered.

Not by the fear of germs or numbers or harm.

But by the fear of feeling too much — even if the feeling is good.

What Can Parents Do?

First, and most importantly:

Don’t take the spike as failure.

Not theirs. Not yours. Not therapy’s.

Here’s what can help:

1. Name the Pattern

You might say:

“I noticed that things got a bit harder just after that went well. That’s something we’ve seen before, right?”

Just naming the link takes away shame and confusion.

2. Stay Connected, Not Corrective

Instead of rushing to problem-solve the ritual or reduce the spike, try staying with your child emotionally. You could say:

“I wonder if it’s hard to feel things going well. That might sound strange, but it makes sense to me.”

3. Work with the Therapist

If your child’s in therapy, let the clinician know about these spikes. They often hold valuable clues about how your child processes emotional safety — and when it becomes overwhelming.

You’re Not Alone — And Neither Are They

I work with many young people whose OCD gets worse when the world softens.

We don’t see that as failure.

We see it as a sign that something important is trying to surface — and the rituals are holding it back, not maliciously, but protectively.

Your child is not broken. They’re protecting something tender.

And together — with care, patience, and understanding — we can help them find new ways to feel safe… even in joy.