When Your Child’s OCD Speaks in Code: Why Logic Isn’t Enough

Your child washes their hands until the skin breaks.

Or checks the door twenty times.

Or needs to confess the same sentence again and again and again.

You try to reason.

You explain the facts.

You reassure them:

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“There are no germs on the doorknob.”

“It doesn’t make sense to check again.”

And still—nothing changes.

Not because they’re being stubborn.

But because their OCD isn’t speaking in logic.

It’s speaking in code.

OCD Is the Language of Unspoken Fear

Many families think OCD is a “thinking problem.”

But often, it’s actually an emotional problem that has lost its words.

A child doesn’t obsess because they want to.

They obsess because something in them feels too big, too shameful, or too frightening to feel directly.

So the mind turns that feeling into a behaviour:

A ritual.

A rule.

A compulsion.

It’s not random. It’s not meaningless.

It’s a kind of emotional encryption.

The Handwashing Isn’t Just About Germs

Take this example:

“If I don’t wash, something bad will happen to Mum.”

It sounds magical. Irrational.

You might want to respond:

“That’s not how germs work. It’s not true.”

But here’s the thing:

The ritual isn’t about preventing germs.

It’s about preventing guilt.

It’s about protecting someone they love, in the only way they know how.

And sometimes, the OCD doesn’t even explain itself:

“I just have to. I don’t know why.”

That’s when the code has become so dense, even the child can’t read it anymore.

Why Logic Often Makes It Worse

When you respond with logic, your child may:

• Go quiet

• Get angry

• Double down on the ritual

• Feel more alone

Why?

Because in that moment, they’re not looking for facts.

They’re trying—desperately—to get rid of a feeling they don’t have words for.

A feeling like shame, or fear, or self-loathing.

When you offer logic, it’s like giving a dictionary to someone who’s drowning.

What Helps Instead

You don’t need to decode the whole thing.

But you can do something powerful:

Start listening for the feeling, not just the words.

Try:

• “It looks like something’s really uncomfortable inside you right now.”

• “This doesn’t feel like it’s about germs—it feels heavier than that.”

• “You don’t have to explain it. I’ll sit with you while it’s hard.”

And when the time is right—when your child begins to trust that they won’t be rushed, shamed, or left—you can begin to work with a therapist who understands how to unlock the code.

Not by fighting the ritual.

But by listening to the fear beneath it.

Because OCD isn’t nonsense.

It’s a system.

A coded language for pain.

And with the right listening, it can start to make sense again.