My Child Won’t Talk About Their Thoughts. Should I Push?”

Some children with OCD talk a lot. Others go quiet.

When a child is caught in the grip of unwanted thoughts, some become distressed and verbal, asking questions, seeking reassurance. Others withdraw. They change the subject. They shrug, “I dunno.” They say nothing at all.

If you’re a parent facing silence, it can be unbearable.

You might worry:

• Are they hiding something awful?

• Is it getting worse?

• Do I need to get it out of them?

• What happens if I don’t?

It’s natural to want answers. But when a child isn’t ready to talk, pushing too hard can backfire—making the thoughts feel even more dangerous, and the space between you even wider.

So how do you help when they won’t open up?

1. Silence Isn’t Always Avoidance

Sometimes silence is protection.

Not against you—but against shame, fear, or the collapse of words altogether.

A child might go quiet because:

• They’re scared the thought will hurt you.

• They don’t have the language to describe what they feel.

• The thought feels too disgusting, too “bad,” too confusing.

• They’re terrified that saying it out loud will make it real.

What looks like avoidance might actually be symbolic collapse—a state where the mind can’t yet form a clear picture or idea around the fear. In these moments, they’re not hiding. They’re lost.

2. Curiosity Is Better Than Pressure

Instead of asking, “What’s the thought?”, try:

• “I can see something’s hard to say right now.”

• “You don’t have to explain it all. But I’m here if and when you want to.”

• “Even if we don’t talk about it, I can still help you hold it.”

This kind of language keeps the door open without forcing them through it.

3. They Might Tell You—Just Not Directly

Children often communicate through symbol, behaviour, or play before they use words.

Listen for:

• Repeated drawings, themes in games or stories.

• Unusual fears that show up in new settings.

• Compulsions that intensify without explanation.

• Shifts in emotional rhythm—flatness, spikes of agitation, sudden tears.

These are all clues. Sometimes, the thought isn’t ready to be spoken—but it’s already being expressed.

4. Create Safety, Not Interrogation

Your job isn’t to unlock the secret—it’s to become a place where secrets feel safe enough to land.

That means:

• Staying calm even when you’re scared.

• Not reacting with horror or too much relief.

• Letting your child set the pace.

One day they may speak. But the conditions that make that possible aren’t built in the moment of disclosure—they’re built in the days before it.

Final Thought

If your child isn’t talking, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It may simply mean the thought isn’t ready yet—not because it’s too dangerous, but because your child hasn’t yet found a way to hold it without fear.

You don’t need to force the words out.

Just keep showing them:

“I can bear this. I can bear you. Even when you’re quiet.”

That message—spoken or not—is often the beginning of healing.