ERP Sounds Terrifying – Is My Child Ready?

Intro: You’ve Been Told ERP Is the Gold Standard… But It Feels Like a Cliff Edge

You’ve heard it again and again:

“ERP is the gold-standard treatment for OCD.”

You’ve read the research.

You’ve spoken to clinicians.

You want to help your child get better.

But every time someone says “exposure,” your stomach turns.

And your child’s eyes glaze over.

You’re not resisting treatment. You’re responding to something your intuition already knows: that ERP can only work when the child is symbolically ready.

What Is ERP Really Asking of Your Child?

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) doesn’t just ask a child to stop doing rituals. It asks them to do something far harder:

• To stop protecting themselves in the only way they know how.

• To face a fear that may not be rational—but feels absolutely real.

• To tolerate a feeling they have spent years trying not to feel.

If the child isn’t ready, ERP can feel not just scary—but impossible.

Not because they’re unmotivated, but because they’re unprepared—psychically.

Signs Your Child May Not Be Ready (Yet)

• They agree in the room but collapse at home.

• They refuse to talk about the rituals, even when calm.

• They become distressed by praise or progress (“Don’t say I did well!”)

• They sabotage sessions after emotionally rich moments.

• They can’t name what the ritual is “for”—only what it “fixes.”

These are not signs of defiance. They are signs that the ritual is still doing something symbolic—and to remove it would be to collapse the internal architecture.

What ‘Readiness’ Looks Like Symbolically

• Your child begins to wonder why they’re doing it—not just demand reassurance

• They tolerate small gaps in ritual before rushing to complete it

• They can reflect on how OCD “tricks” them—even for a moment

• They accept some part of therapy that feels uncomfortable but meaningful

So What Can You Do Now?

• Hold the tension without pushing.

  
  

  “I can see a part of you wants to try—and another part is scared. We can work with both.”

• Ask symbolic questions.

  
  

  “What do you think the ritual protects you from?”

  
  

  “If the ritual had a voice, what would it say?”

• Trust your instincts.

  
  

  If something feels too fast, it probably is.

  
  

  Therapists who work symbolically will move with the readiness—not against it.

Final Thought: ERP Works—But Only When the Soul Has Somewhere to Land

When the time comes, ERP won’t feel like a cliff.

It will feel like crossing a bridge your child helped build.