Introduction
Therapy can be a critical part of your child’s mental health journey, but what happens if your child doesn’t connect with their therapist? It can be discouraging when the person you’ve entrusted with your child’s emotional well-being doesn’t seem to be the right fit. This is a common issue, but it’s also an opportunity to help your child learn to advocate for themselves and navigate these feelings constructively.
While the relationship between a therapist and client is crucial, it’s important to remember that therapy isn’t always comfortable. In fact, if therapy feels too easy or too comfortable, it might not be challenging your child in the ways they need. However, there’s a balance—therapy should never cause extreme distress or feel like a negative experience. So, what can you do if your child doesn’t like their therapist?
Raising Concerns with the Clinician
The first step is to open a conversation about the concerns your child has with their therapist. A good clinician should welcome this feedback and work with your child to address it. If the therapist is professional and experienced, they won’t become defensive or dismissive. Instead, they will use the feedback to create a therapeutic experience that is empowering for your child.
Sometimes, simply discussing these concerns can strengthen the therapeutic relationship. Your child may feel more in control of their therapy and more understood by the clinician if they are encouraged to express how they feel. This can create a new and positive dynamic where the child feels that their voice is heard, which is an essential part of the therapeutic process.
You’re in Charge if It’s Private Therapy
If your child is seeing a private therapist, it’s important to remember that you are effectively the client. You are paying for a service, and if that service isn’t meeting your child’s needs, you have the right to raise concerns or even seek another therapist.
For example, if the therapist is focusing too much on behavioural techniques like breathing exercises or behavioural experiments, and it doesn’t feel helpful, it’s okay to say so. A skilled therapist will be flexible and adapt their approach to better suit the needs of your child. Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all process, and the most effective therapists are those who tailor their methods based on the unique needs of the individual.
The Role of Transference and Counter-Transference
One of the reasons therapy can feel uncomfortable at times is due to something called transference. In simple terms, transference occurs when your child unconsciously projects feelings they have about other important figures in their life (such as parents or teachers) onto the therapist. This can cause them to feel uncomfortable or resistant, but it’s actually a normal and expected part of therapy. It gives the therapist valuable insight into your child’s emotional world.
On the other hand, counter-transference occurs when the therapist has unconscious reactions to the child. A professional therapist will be aware of this dynamic and manage it effectively, but it’s important to note that these processes are normal and can lead to powerful therapeutic breakthroughs.
Is Therapy Supposed to Be Comfortable?
Therapy is not always easy, and it shouldn’t be. Working through deep emotional issues can be uncomfortable because it involves confronting difficult feelings and experiences. However, there is a difference between productive discomfort and distress that feels overwhelming. If your child is consistently dreading therapy or feeling worse afterward, it might be worth exploring these feelings further.
A good therapist will work with your child to find the right balance—challenging them to grow emotionally while ensuring they feel safe and supported. If therapy feels too easy, it might not be addressing the core issues. But if it’s causing significant distress, it’s important to raise these concerns.
When It’s Time to Consider a New Therapist
While therapy is a process that takes time, there may be situations where it’s best to seek a different therapist. If your child has tried to express their concerns and the therapist hasn’t adjusted their approach, or if the therapeutic relationship doesn’t seem to be improving, it may be time to find someone else. It’s important to remember that therapy is a deeply personal process, and the fit between therapist and client is crucial.
Ending therapy with a particular clinician doesn’t have to be a negative experience. In fact, it’s a chance for your child to practise giving constructive feedback and making decisions about their own mental health care. This can be an empowering experience, helping them feel more in control of their emotional well-being.
Conclusion
If your child doesn’t like their therapist, it doesn’t mean therapy has to end, but it does provide an opportunity for growth. Raising concerns and giving feedback can strengthen the therapeutic relationship, creating a more empowering and effective experience. However, if therapy continues to cause distress or feels unproductive, it may be time to find a different clinician. Ultimately, therapy should challenge your child, but it should also be a space where they feel supported, heard, and able to grow.
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