In therapy, Donald Meltzer, a renowned child and adult psychoanalyst, ntroduced the idea of the aesthetic conflict. This concept helps us understand how children and young people experience and respond to beauty and emotional challenges.
Imagine your child is scrolling through Instagram and sees a beautiful vacation photo posted by a friend. They might feel a mix of admiration and envy, delight and sadness, because they haven't had that experience themselves. This mix of emotions is what Meltzer calls the aesthetic conflict. It's the struggle between the pleasure of experiencing something beautiful and the difficulty of fully understanding and integrating that beauty into their emotional world.
Here are a few everyday examples of aesthetic conflict:
1. Social Media: Your child might see a post about a friend's new gadget or a stunning outfit and feel admiration mixed with envy. While they appreciate the beauty or coolness of the item, they might also feel a sense of longing or inadequacy because they don't have it.
2. School Achievements: When a classmate wins an award or gets praised for a project, your child might feel proud of their friend but also experience pangs of jealousy and self-doubt.
3. Family Dynamics: Watching a sibling excel in sports or music might fill your child with admiration but also trigger feelings of competition and frustration if they struggle in those areas.
In therapy, clinicians help children navigate this conflict by providing a safe space to explore their feelings. By talking about their emotional responses to these experiences, children can begin to make sense of their complex emotions. This process helps them develop a deeper appreciation for beauty and a better ability to manage their feelings.
For parents, it's important to support this journey by encouraging your child to express their emotions and by being patient with their progress. Understanding the aesthetic conflict can help you see that therapy is not just about solving problems quickly but about helping your child grow emotionally and appreciate the beauty in the world around them. But most importantly, the idea of allowing the, to process and experience mixed feelings without invalidating them .
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